Been a while

Wow. It's been a long time since I've updated my blog here. A lot has happened. I went on a diet. I got sick while on the diet. Stopped diet and felt better. But of course all the weight I lost came back on. It wasn't an unhealthy diet either. :(

I did belly dancing classes for a few weeks. But had to stop because of money.

I'm trying to get a membership to our local YMCA so I can take advantage of the swimming, gym, and classes.

All in all, I feel like crap. The weather is horridly hot so doing anything outside is out of the question (I throw up from heat).

But I'm trying to stay positive. I'm going to college in the fall. So I'll be walking around on campus. And if I can manage to lose enough weight that I feel comfortable again then I'm going to consider TTC with my DH again. He really wants another baby. I'd like to get down to at least 250 before considering it. And I'd like to have done at least 2 years of college first. So I have time.

Not much else going on. Need to find ways to make money. But that's about it.

Big Girls Can Dance, Too!

I'm still trying to find someplace to buy dancewear that will fit me. Based on how my clothes fit my measurements are currently:

Waist: 50
Hips: 63

I'm not sure about chest measurements. I'll try and get those later.

While I dance I cannot hate, I cannot judge,
I cannot separate myself from life.
I can only be joyful and whole.
That is why I dance.
--Hans Bos

I'm feeling very discouraged. I still don't have my space worked out for exercising. I wish I wasn't so self conscious. Then  I wouldn't mind working out in front of my family. But I'm ashamed. I jiggle and sweat and huff and puff. It's not attractive. Though to be honest, I don't think anyone is attractive while working out.

I just need to get my space. I know, it's just another excuse. I always have excuses. I need to find a way to get rid of those dang things.

I'm excited. Very soon I'm going to have room in my bedroom to do exercises. I'll take my computer in there at night and exercise next to my bed. Right now there is a very large chair taking up all the extra room I have. So once that's gone I'll be all set.

My current plan (subject to change at a moments notice):

15 minutes stretching to warm up
3 T-Tapp videos
30 minutes dancing (maybe freestyle, maybe to a video)
15 minutes cool down

I'm feeling a little better now. I hope to go talk a nice walk tomorrow. And do some T-Tapp exercises. My new sneakers broke when I first put them on. How do sneakers break, you ask? Well these were the type where you put the laces through little ribbon type loops instead of holes in the leather. And one of the ribbon loops broke. I don't think I described that well. But I'm going to have to get new sneakers now. Blast!

I'm so discouraged. I've been looking for plus-size dance wear. I want a nice leotard, tights, etc. Maybe a nice lyrical dance dress, tutu, etc too. But everything I'm finding doesn't come big enough. Sure some SAY they come in a 3X or 4X, but the sizes they correspond too are like 18/20. I'm a 30/32. I can't find ANYTHING that fits my size. I can't sew. And I can't afford to have anything custom made for me. So it feels like my dancing dreams must be placed on a back burner for a while.

I've been googling for BBW dance stories, pictures, etc. It's hard to find. I haven't found anything new lately. Sadly though there are many many many sites with pictures of fat (and not so fat) women that are being made fun of. It makes me want to cry. Why do people think it's okay to make fun of people because they aren't skinny? My heart aches. I see the pictures of beautiful women, and read the comments calling them hideous, hilarious, a joke, etc. Bastards!

Still sick. Blah.

I think my walk yesterday may have been a bad idea. Or at least I should have dressed better for it. Today I am so sick. I think I have strep throat, or the beginning of the flu, or at the very least a nasty cold. So I'm posting this from bed. No exercise for me today. I can barely breath.

I'm watching a lot of inspiring videos, and reading a lot about T-Tapp. I'm also gathering some healthier recipes that sound yummy. So today won't be a complete waste.

Today was a fine day. I ate like normal, nothing extra good. I wish. Have to make do with what we already have, no money to buy healthier food yet. But I do go for a walk. I walked for about 2 blocks I'd estimate. I know that doesn't sound like much, but I was cold. I hope tomorrow to do it again.